Call of the Void

I’ve mostly abandoned this in “favor” of schoolwork, but for the sake of an outlet:

I’m in such a weird spot right now. I have everything I could theoretically ever want, but I’ve become too attached to self-destruction. I can’t stop playing with fire. When one flame burns out, I immediately start chasing another one. 

And in some weird paradox, even though I tend to intentionally pick out things I can’t have, I’ve gotten incredibly adept at getting them anyway. 

I’ve really done it this time though. If I don’t catch this one, I think the chase might eventually consume me. If I do catch it, it could well ruin me. 

Why do I do this?

What the fuck is wrong with me?

No mom, I don’t want to go downtown with you because I “don’t like music and food and people.”

I don’t want to go downtown with you because it’s the Wine and Cheese and Jazz Festival and I’m 19 and unable to partake. It’s also the Arts and Crafts Festival and I’m 19…and well let’s be honest, it’s a rare 19 year old who gives a fuck about arts and crafts.

But hey. Thanks for trying to see things from my perspective for once.

anyone who writes y’all as “ya’ll” can go ahead and do me the favor of never talking to me again.

not only does it irk the grammar-loving part of me, but for the love of god, if you’re going to take up a vernacular outside of your own because you think it’s quaint or fuck all, understand that y’all is “you all,” just contracted because of that southern cadence.

if you don’t know this, you’ve obviously never been below the m.d. line in your life (florida SO doesn’t count!) and you have no business saying it in the first place.

thank you and good night.

p.s: this goes quadruple for anyone who actually PRONOUNCES it “ya’ll”!

i hate that there’s such a fine line between “harmless, just completely socially inept” and “psychotic.”

that and people piss me off.

yup.

seriously

why should i spend 95% of my life trying to be nice and do things for other people and make other people happy when  the only thing they’re going to remember is the 5% of the time i fucked up?